Faith, Fear, and 2020 Vision
So many are using social media the past few days to provide a wrap up of 2019 and to offer their resolutions for the new year to come. It makes all of us take stock, I think. I have friends giving up social media for the new year and friends pledging to share more and share honestly so others can know they are not alone. I have friends resolving to do better and be better. Many are taking to platforms like Twitter to put their resolutions and wishes for the new year in just a few characters. It's all around us.
I have a picture above my bed. It's been there for a very long time. Today I looked at it intently as I made the bed and did some cleaning. It reads, "May your faith be bigger than your fear." If I could sum up 2019 it would be one of fear. I spent a great deal of it afraid. Even though cancer has been our companion for ten years now, I was afraid of its return. I was afraid of the challenges that aging parents can bring. I was afraid of not leaving a legacy to my children. I was afraid of not doing my job well. Simply put, I was afraid of change. It caused me to walk away from some new opportunities. It caused me to stay in situations that did not bring me joy. It caused me to bite my tongue. It caused me to lose my voice. It caused me to lose my faith.
I've struggled with a balance between having faith and being responsible. I have wrestled with where one ends and the other begins. If I'm to have faith I believe it means taking a risk. But, ever the control freak, I questioned whether it had to be a carefully calculated risk, one that promised a great deal of certainty. Ironic, isn't it? I was willing to pursue change and take a leap of faith as long as things didn't really change and there was a safety net an inch below my jump. I don't think that's how it all works. I also found that I blamed God for slamming doors. If an opportunity came along and a barrier came along I just decided that God had a different plan.
The last few months of 2019 have come with growing pains. I've had to re-examine the whole leap of faith concept and what faith really means. I had to accept the fact that it was really easy to say God was closing doors when I got scared or things got uncomfortable when perhaps I had my foot wrapped around the threshold helping the door close. I had to accept the fact that I'm a big chicken and my faith isn't even the size of a mustard seed most days.
I don't like to make resolutions. I do, however, like the idea of setting intentions. I have a few intentions for the new year. The biggest one is that I intend to grow my faith and to take some leaps. They may be small baby jumps from a step stool. They may be giant ones from a cliff. I don't know what God is going to put in my path but I intend to be open to new possibilities and I intend to not let fear keep me from trying something new.
I will not be stepping away from social media but I intend to continue to try to share the realities of life- the tough stuff along with the fun stuff. We all need to be more real and know that we are not alone in this big world with the struggles it brings to us. We are all muddling through, growing our faith, conquering our fears, and life is hard. It's easier if shared. My life is far from perfect but there are perfect days and perfect moments just as there are difficult days and ugly moments. Life is like a box of chocolates as Forrest Gump once shared. There's always that one person that sticks their thumb in the bottom of the truffle to see what's inside. I'm going to do that with some things in life this year. Heck, I might just shove a whole truffle in my mouth and go with the consequences.
May 2020 be as clear as 20/20 vision. May you have a blessed new year and may you also let your faith conquer your fears. Try something new. Have a new adventure. Believe in yourself a little more. Grow more confident in your God given abilities and talents. Tell people how you feel about them and don't hold back. Find your voice. Take a leap. I'll be doing the same.
I have a picture above my bed. It's been there for a very long time. Today I looked at it intently as I made the bed and did some cleaning. It reads, "May your faith be bigger than your fear." If I could sum up 2019 it would be one of fear. I spent a great deal of it afraid. Even though cancer has been our companion for ten years now, I was afraid of its return. I was afraid of the challenges that aging parents can bring. I was afraid of not leaving a legacy to my children. I was afraid of not doing my job well. Simply put, I was afraid of change. It caused me to walk away from some new opportunities. It caused me to stay in situations that did not bring me joy. It caused me to bite my tongue. It caused me to lose my voice. It caused me to lose my faith.
I've struggled with a balance between having faith and being responsible. I have wrestled with where one ends and the other begins. If I'm to have faith I believe it means taking a risk. But, ever the control freak, I questioned whether it had to be a carefully calculated risk, one that promised a great deal of certainty. Ironic, isn't it? I was willing to pursue change and take a leap of faith as long as things didn't really change and there was a safety net an inch below my jump. I don't think that's how it all works. I also found that I blamed God for slamming doors. If an opportunity came along and a barrier came along I just decided that God had a different plan.
The last few months of 2019 have come with growing pains. I've had to re-examine the whole leap of faith concept and what faith really means. I had to accept the fact that it was really easy to say God was closing doors when I got scared or things got uncomfortable when perhaps I had my foot wrapped around the threshold helping the door close. I had to accept the fact that I'm a big chicken and my faith isn't even the size of a mustard seed most days.
I don't like to make resolutions. I do, however, like the idea of setting intentions. I have a few intentions for the new year. The biggest one is that I intend to grow my faith and to take some leaps. They may be small baby jumps from a step stool. They may be giant ones from a cliff. I don't know what God is going to put in my path but I intend to be open to new possibilities and I intend to not let fear keep me from trying something new.
I will not be stepping away from social media but I intend to continue to try to share the realities of life- the tough stuff along with the fun stuff. We all need to be more real and know that we are not alone in this big world with the struggles it brings to us. We are all muddling through, growing our faith, conquering our fears, and life is hard. It's easier if shared. My life is far from perfect but there are perfect days and perfect moments just as there are difficult days and ugly moments. Life is like a box of chocolates as Forrest Gump once shared. There's always that one person that sticks their thumb in the bottom of the truffle to see what's inside. I'm going to do that with some things in life this year. Heck, I might just shove a whole truffle in my mouth and go with the consequences.
May 2020 be as clear as 20/20 vision. May you have a blessed new year and may you also let your faith conquer your fears. Try something new. Have a new adventure. Believe in yourself a little more. Grow more confident in your God given abilities and talents. Tell people how you feel about them and don't hold back. Find your voice. Take a leap. I'll be doing the same.
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