Freedom from Fear

I compose this at somewhere near 30,000 feet and somewhere between Atlanta and Denver.  My flight home was delayed by a late arriving plane.  Then, once everyone was seated and we got onto the runway, the pilot announced a weather delay.  I slid open my window to see a downpour and huge puddles.  We sat on the runway for about thirty minutes until we were cleared for takeoff.  At takeoff there was a very loud hum on my side near the engine and people around me were nervously wondering what it was and looking around. I'll be asking my personal aircraft mechanic when I get home.  We are now in and out of clouds and turbulence.  It is probably one of the worst flights I've been on in terms of weather.  There is a man sitting near me that may either pass out or throw up.  People are getting anxious.  They are getting out of their seats and the flight attendants announce for them to return to no avail.  The pilot finally got on and gave a forceful reminder.  To alleviate some of the anxiety a flight attendant has now been allowed to get up and take drink orders.  With her stop at each row she informs passengers that she'll do her best but she may have to take her seat again.  Once in awhile we get a teaser.  The clouds break and some green earth below is visible.  But, it does not last and we go right back into a white blanket.

I used to hate to fly.  I used to have a lot of fears.  It's ironic that I married someone whose life is aviation.  I don't know if it's that I travel a lot these days and it has become more mundane; I don't know if it's that spouse who walks me through the magic of flight and has let me know over the years when to really be concerned; I don't know if I'm working fervently to overcome anxiety in my life and I'm slowly making peace with things that are out of my control, but I have been calm.  I have not allowed the bumps, adjustments in altitude and discomfort around me to influence my state of mind.  I am not afraid.  I won't say I'm enjoying this flight but I'm not afraid.  It is such a freeing feeling.

What in the world does this have to do with writing?  Writing is an airplane and we hit turbulence in our writing and...?  Perhaps, but I'm sitting in my window seat analyzing my surprising lack of fear and anxiety and reveling in the freedom it brings and I think to myself, "This.  This is what I want to feel when I'm writing.  This is what I want students to feel when they're writing."  Imagine the creativity we all could experience with words on paper if we weren't afraid- afraid of what our reader might think, afraid that our writing just isn't good enough, afraid we misspelled that word (did I misspell misspell?), afraid that our writing will be found trite or meaningless when it is a part of us, our thoughts laid bare for all to see and judge.  I want to write with abandon.  I hope one day that I can without the voices of fear and doubt in my head.  I'm getting there and my writing family helps me get closer with their encouragement and understanding and desire to write with abandon themselves.

And, just like that the clouds broke, the sun is shining, and the ride is smooth.